my mouth tastes like poor choices
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize