Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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