fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never underestimate the power of titties
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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