I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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