the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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