Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, beer. Big fan.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
