this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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