Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize