I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
