I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
