Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize