I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
