remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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