So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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