You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
