6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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