she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
