Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize