You don't have asthma, your pregnant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
