Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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