Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
