I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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