She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Enjoy the penises
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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