I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
