I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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