it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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