I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
