just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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