My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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