do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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