I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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