$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
