how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
