The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
