I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
