fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Let's get the cat blown out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
