Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
