yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize