He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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