My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
