well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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