It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
