I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
