The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
