I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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