is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
