The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
