I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
