He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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