The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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