I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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