I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
