if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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