He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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