he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize