Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
