the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
