Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
