peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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