Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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