Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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