You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
