I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
