i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
