Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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