Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
