i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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