He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
