i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Alive.
So much puke
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
