2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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