can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
