Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
