I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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