oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize