You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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