Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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