moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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