And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
