we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
