Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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