dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
