Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
