Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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