Everything about him screamed your future.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
