I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
