I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize