Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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