dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
