My room smells like vodka and shame
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
