Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
